How to have a normal conversation with a woman by removing your objectives.
Normal conversation do’s and don’ts.
Number one – don’t get too serious too soon. Okay? Don’t get too serious too soon.
A question I get a lot is, “Dave, how do I talk about serious things? When is it okay to have a serious conversation?”
And I ask, “Why do you want to have one so bad? What’s your deal? Do you not feel understood or something? Your mom never asked you how you are?”
Stop it. Okay?
Because the underlying belief there is that there’s a point where you have to get into a deep conversation.
“Well you’re not saying don’t do it are you?”
You don’t have to. Don’t get too serious too soon.
I don’t mean never have a serious conversation with a woman. That’s not what I am saying at all.
Wait until you’ve gone on a few dates before you really let things get too heavy.
That’s a good rule of thumb. Focus the conversation on having fun instead of and objective.
Focus the conversation on having fun instead of achieving an objective – and be in the moment. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the PLAY. If you are thinking about the mechanics of how to have convreesation with a woman while you are tlaking to her, you are going to sound unnatural and awkward.
And don’t worry about finding commonality, common goals, etc. Don’t worry about HOW to have a conversation with a woman, just allow it to flow.
There’s an interesting word in the English language, it’s called rapport. There’s a book called “The Magic of Rapport” by Jerry Richardson. It’s a great book to read. It’s very valuable and I learned a ton of great stuff in the book.
If you haven’t read it, I recommend you get yourself a copy on Amazon.
I think a lot of people naturally feel that they want to be in rapport with a person.
They want to feel that connection – that surface connection. They want to feel like they are on the same page, like everything is going good.
Makes sense, right?
Most men are afraid to not have that.
And their fear of not having that prevents them from actually getting it.
They’ll never do anything outside the norm; they won’t do anything outside the box. They will never do anything risky and they will never ride on the edge.
What’s fascinating is that when you don’t worry about this stuff, when you don’t worry about commonality or common goals or being on the same page, that it frees your mind.
You can do other things like bust on her; you can throw in something that’s completely out of the blue or push her a little bit.
What’s interesting about that is that stuff is implying that you have a bond that cannot be broken.
It’s implying that you have a connection on such a deep level that there’s nothing you can do to destroy it.
Now I actually go further.
I actually say to myself, “Alright – I know that she loves me right from the beginning. So I’m going to do something to see if I can get her to get “mad” at me. I’ll see if I can tease her enough that she actually gets “mad” at me.”
Now I don’t do it in a mean-spirited way, of course, I do it in a way that makes sure that it’s fun for everyone. I make sure that she is laughing and playing along too. If she is not, then I know that I need to back off.
Remember that logic is the enemy.
I have seen the enemy.
He is logic.
You’ve probably heard my friend Tyler in an interview that I did with him in my Interviews With Dating Gurus program – we talked at the Meeting Women In Bars and Clubs program (by the way, if you want an entire course on how to have a normal conversation with a woman, check our Bars & Clubs or Approaching Women), and in Mastery, and he calls serious topics “death topics”.
And remember, do not be tricked into thinking that just because you have something in common or that you are talking about some common thing that you, that it’s going anywhere.
Have fun, don’t have a goal. Just have a good time.