In the new world of digital dating, “connectedness” can be both positive, and negative…
Now more than ever, every guy is just one clueless or impulsive call, text, or email away from blowing it with a great woman.
On the other hand: once we’re aware of the power of our “smart” communications, it’s a huge opportunity to stand out from the crowd… and therefore start getting almost magical results with dating and relationships.
Think about it:
There is a clear advantage to digital dating…
…That phone in your pocket? It gives you time to plan what you’re going to say. You can think about how to respond to her beforehand. You can plan and reflect on how you’re coming across.
All of which takes us to the one question that I get asked perhaps more any other these days:
In today’s world, when our device can be our ultimate tool for success (or a lethal weapon of self-destruction) what’s the right way to deal with calling, emailing and texting a woman?
Like I always say – no matter how you get a woman to start feeling attraction, once she does, there’s nothing she can do to keep herself from responding and wanting more.
This in mind, here are my 3 unbreakable laws for making your smartphone live up to its name:
Digital Dating Law #1: Do Things In The Right Order
Every type of communication comes with its own level of “intimacy.”
There was a time that picking up a hardwired phone and “dialing” was a bold move. It had a much higher level of immediacy and emotional impact than, say, writing her a letter and dropping it in a mailbox. (Yes, guys actually used to do this.)
Same goes today.
Especially at the beginning of your interactions with a woman, it’s critical to make sure that your “smart” communications come with the proper level of intimacy for that stage.
If you’ve just met a woman and gotten her number, seems pretty obvious that you shouldn’t be calling her every minute of the day.
Same goes for texting.
Because a woman’s phone is always with her and basically a part of her, calls and texts instantly insert you in her personal space. Wherever she is, whatever she happens to be doing, suddenly you’re right there with her chirping for her attention. Possibly interrupting. Even intruding.
So, in the beginning, stick to email.
It’s far less urgent, disruptive, and intrusive.
After a few dates, then text. If you’re seeing her regularly, calls are never out of line.
General rule: gauge your level of “communications intimacy” by the amount of time you’re spending with a woman in the real world.
Don’t prematurely invade her space by communicating in a way that’s any more intimate than that, and you’ll be golden.
Digital Dating Law #2: Keep It Brief
The concept couldn’t be simpler, yet too many guys blow it because they just don’t get it.
Even if you slip in other ways when it comes to communicating with a woman, stay on the rails with this, and you’ll have an instant edge over every other guy who trips over himself to get a scrap of attention or approval from her.
When you run long with any message, you run the risk of veering into tedious, attraction-killing conversations like, “So I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and the great time we had, and I was wondering when we could get together again. Maybe tomorrow? Oh and remember when that funny thing that happened…”
Whether you’re calling, texting, or emailing, get the message across in as few words as possible.
Just check in and say, “Hey, great meeting you last night. Talk soon.” Or, “Had a great time on our first date, see you again soon.”
Throw in a little confident humor – I call it being “Cocky & Funny” – to pique her interest… “Hey. Feeling like you can’t live without me yet?”
Above all, do not write more than a sentence or two words in any text or email. Don’t linger on the phone. Make every communication short and to the point.
All of this gives you built-in, fail-safe insurance that you won’t make the worst mistake of all: coming off as sounding desperate or like you’re chasing her.
BTW: all of this also shows her that you’re a guy who has better things to do with his life than type with his thumbs all day.
Digital Dating Law #3: Timing Is Everything
Seems like our attention spans as human beings are getting shorter and shorter.
We have less downtime. We have more information coming at us from every direction.
That’s why now more than ever, a man needs to think about the right time to call, text, or email a woman.
If you just met her or started dating, forget everything you’ve heard on the latest pick-up artist podcast.
If you wait too long as some kind of “power move,” all that you’ll accomplish is to communicate that you’re playing games. Or worse, that you’re not interested.
Of course, it’s also easy to make the opposite mistake.
Contact her too soon, and you run the risk of being seen as clingy or desperate or having no life… those lethal attraction killers.
As we discussed, if you’ve just met a woman, feel free to email her the next day. This takes away any notion that you’re “playing games” by keeping her waiting. Also, it’s exactly the right level of intimacy for an early communication.
And… do I really have to say it again… keep it short!
Let her know that you’ve got a lot going on right now, but you’ll get back in touch tomorrow or the next day. Then sign off.
All of this works like magic to check all the boxes.
You’re not leaving her hanging. You’re showing you have a life. You’re not being overly intrusive. Above all, you’re creating anticipation… also known as the Holy Grail of amplifying feelings of ATTRACTION in any woman.
If you’ve been dating awhile, remember to adjust your contacts by the amount of time you’re spending together.
Just dating? Don’t call or text her more than a couple times a week.
Moving in together? Call at will, but keep in mind that you never want to flood her with messages. That’s just creepy.
To summarize, all of these “laws” boil down to just one big idea:
In today’s world, guys needs to think more carefully than ever about how they’re coming across in the cloud.
It’s tempting to take advantage of our ease of access, especially after meeting an amazing woman who just rocked our world.
Reality is, a great woman doesn’t reject a guy because of looks or money… she rejects him because he comes off sounding like an emotional kindergartner instead of confident, mature, and in control when he communicates with her.
When it comes to your next call, text, or email, focus on sending her truly “smart” messages, and you’ll be blown away by how she suddenly starts moving mountains to connect with YOU.
If you would like to know more about how to create and maintain attraction with a woman, check out my best selling eBook Attraction Isn’t a Choice. You’ll be amazed at what you can learn – and UNLEARN – about dating, attraction and women.